Financial advice for new couples

Forget sex and the in-laws... Money’s the real relationship wrecker. Julianne Dowling tells you how to make your joint financial partnership healthy, wealthy and wise.

A couple I know recently celebrated a significant wedding anniversary. They’re on a budget, so he spent days in record stores searching for the song they danced to when they were dating – ‘their song’. She splurged on an expensive watch, maxing out their joint credit card in the process. When they opened their gifts, she thought he had been cheap and felt insulted. He was hurt, and annoyed that she had jeopardised their financial health with an unnecessary extravagance. Sound familiar? That’s because money ranks right up there as a source of couple conflict. While your hearts may be wedded, chances are your wallets aren’t.

Gender differences
In addition to the recognised money personalities (such as saver, spender, worrier, avoider, and so on), there are male-female differences in approaches to money that haunt many relationships. Some reflect men as hunters and women as gatherers. There are also boundary and hierarchical differences. And, of course, men and women are raised to believe different things about the way they should handle money. Men are still bred to believe they will be good at dealing with money, whereas some women are raised to believe they won’t be good at it.

Leslie Falkiner-Rose’s Women Talking Money (Wrightbooks, 2003) reveals only 38 per cent of women participated in joint investment decisions, and most said they deferred to the spouse on the final cut.

However, Leslie discovered that 70 per cent of women ruled the household money and home matters. Mortgage Choice’s research confirms that nearly 80 per cent of home-loan inquiries start with women, but they are likely to be younger – mostly aged between 25 and 35 years old.

Author of the Too Busy, Too Tired, Too Hard – Queensland Women Funding our Futures report (2002), Pat Noad, prepared a money training program for the Queensland Government after her research showed women eschewed financial planning and decision-making.

She explains: “I found that while women are good at managing the household budget, juggling income and debts, they have little concept of wealth creation. They simply don’t regard themselves as having a financial identity and often don’t feel entitled to wealth.

“They felt that financial security wasn’t their job and most tended to spend their income as fast as they got it. They were into rewards for their busy lives.

“Women claim to be too busy for money matters, but had time for other things – they just didn’t want to broach anything they weren’t confident about,” she says. “They also feel that there is no-one in the finance industry they can trust.”

Extra reading

• Couples’ Guide to Money by Linda Gough (Allen & Unwin, 2004)
• Why Saving is Like Dieting and Budgets Don’t Work by Susan Jackson (Brolga Publishing, 2004)