Culture shock

Psychotherapist Carolyn Parfitt offers suggestions for a reader who wants to help her Japanese husband adjust to a new life in Australia.

“I met my lovely Japanese husband five years ago when he was on a holiday in Australia. I eventually went to live in Japan and we married there, agreeing we’d then settle in Australia. He loved Australia before and we knew we would be able to afford a much better lifestyle here than in Japan. Now, he doesn’t seem to like it as much. He is often short-tempered and has started criticising all kinds of things about Australia, from the architecture to the way people do their work. Sometimes I think he’s depressed, which makes me worry. He has a reasonable job, although it’s not as senior as the job he had in Tokyo. His English is okay, but he still gets very frustrated with the way Australians speak. I’m worried he’ll want to return to live in Japan. What can I do to help him?” Emma, Melbourne, VIC

Leaving all that is familiar in your own culture to try to take on a new one can mean an enormous upheaval, as many Australians from Greece, Italy, Vietnam, Lebanon, England and other parts of the world know. When the cultures are as different as Japanese and Australian, the difficulties can be even more pronounced. Culture shock is a common experience for people who move from one culture to another, and it’s likely the cause of what your husband is going through now.

Common symptoms

As well as feeling sad, frustrated and sometimes angry after moving to a completely different environment, some people develop physical symptoms such as aches and pains and difficulty sleeping. Many people, such as your husband, find themselves in jobs with less status than they previously had, and this can rattle their sense of identity and importance. Misunderstandings can cause them to feel insecure, isolated and incompetent. Add all of this together and it’s no wonder the urge to run back to where they felt confident and in control can be very strong.

Who succeeds?

According to cross-cultural psychologist, Jasmine Sliger, the people most able to deal with life in a new culture are those who are flexible and adaptable, with a high level of tolerance and good social skills. They are introspective without over-analysing themselves, and are open and interested in other cultures. People who are drawn to intercultural marriages often display these qualities, as perhaps your husband does, so the chances of them lasting the distance are good. Give it time. Jasmine says it takes 18 months to two years for a person to acculturate, that is, to adapt to another culture.

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