Parent trap

The transformation from child to teenager is a metamorphosis that many parents fear. Holly Davis suggests that what a teenager needs is love, support and education on how to nourish their changing body.

A parent’s needs are pretty simple. We want to see our much-loved children well and happy, and we want to know that we have provided them with the best start possible, a start that will secure for them long-lasting and bountiful health so that they may fulfil their hearts’ desires with as much grace and ease as possible.

My daughter India is about to become a teenager. The very mention of the word elicits a deluge of advice and warnings from all who have been before me. It’s not sounding very attractive: I wait with trepidation for my charming little girl to grow three heads any day now.

 

From child to teen

Over the next seven years, I am told, I can expect my daughter to encounter raging hormones, self-esteem concerns, friendships gained and lost, first love, safe sex and contraception, study loads and examinations. There will be boys on bikes and later in cars, late-night parties and sleepovers, weight concerns, money management and, unavoidably, cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. There will also be the daily round of eating and drinking.

How are we to survive the parental angst as our children negotiate their way through the minefield of their teens? How to let them go through these experiences to become responsible, healthy adults? I am left to draw on age-old wisdom, on supportive friendships, and to confront the fact that I cannot control my child’s will. It is her life and, although I will continue to offer my knowledge, wisdom and support, her health and wellbeing are soon to be her responsibility, and the sooner we both accept that the better.

To hand over the baton of responsibility suggests I must let go, but I think tough loving is also required. No more rescuing her and doing everything for her just because it’s easier than the struggle. The struggle is important to the development of the self. My job, then, is to remember that her raging is part of her rite of passage and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me or I am failing as a parent. She needs me to be as solid as a rock so that she can struggle against me to grow.

The rebellious years

It seems there is nothing new about parental angst: every generation has passed this way. Our elders hold wisdom and solace for us, but until we are ready we simply cannot hear them. Life is very different when the boot is on the other foot. I have a compassion for my parents now that was impossible when I was a teen. It took me until my thirties to recognise my mother’s generosity and selflessness. I suppose it will be a long time until my own child sees me this way.

My mother was a teenager during and just after the Second World War. Her parents, no doubt, were concerned that she had enough to eat and could find a good man to take care of her. My parents had to cope with the 1970s, when free love, the divorce rate and peace were top of the agenda. Now we are worrying about depression, teen suicide, environmental catastrophes, rampaging cancer and eating disorders. I imagine each generation views their lot as more challenging than the last. Trust is called for: trust in my child, trust in the love and support of my family and good friends (particularly those that have survived this parenting phase) and trust in myself.

Real food

Diet and health are primary interests for me, so I indoctrinated my daughter with what I consider ‘real’ food. I managed to make fast food and junk food poor options to the point that, at age six, when offered a famous burger, she vehemently declined with, ”You can’t give me that – that’s not food!” Most children have a pretty good idea of what’s good for them.

Despite advertising that promotes highly refined food as the provider of happiness, fun and good times, they seem to be aware that home-cooked, wholesome meals are better for them. If you can get them to recognise the effect different types of food have on them, they will restrain themselves (at least some of the time). Associating good food with calm, happy feelings and sustained energy, and highly processed food with slow digestion and more erratic feelings does register with them.

I have done my best to make my daughter aware of the value of good nutrition, and have been informing her about nutrition requirements for a teenage body. The adolescent years are incredibly important, and adequate nutrients can have a significant impact on health in old age. As she now spends increasing amounts of time away from the house, no doubt she will be making food choices based on what she likes, what’s available, what she is willing to pay for it and – perhaps the greatest influence – what her friends are choosing.

Nourishing a teenage body

All teenagers need extra nutrients while they progress through adolescence. Though the requirements vary, depending on gender, activity levels, body type and the rate of development, a dramatic increase in height and the influx of hormones that affect every organ mean that both boys and girls have an increased requirement for iron and calcium especially.

The recommended daily intake for iron is 12-15mg a day. Girls need to pay particular attention to absorbing adequate iron, due to the onset of menstruation. Iron-rich foods include red meat, all vegetables (dark, leafy green vegetables, in particular) and wholegrains, especially when coupled with legumes. As iron from food sources isn’t fantastically well absorbed by itself, an iron supplement can be a good idea. Spirulina and barley grass are natural food supplements that are rich in a wide range of essential nutrients, including iron.

About 1,200mg of calcium is required a day. The need for adequate calcium continues for a decade beyond the end of adolescence, when bones have fully grown but calcium is still being deposited. Calcium-rich foods include fresh and cultured dairy foods, green vegetables, seeds, nuts and beans, including tofu (though it may be best to eat fermented soy products, such as tempeh).

 

Words: Holly Davis. Photography: Getty Images.