Second time lucky

In the school of life, failed relationships are lessons to learn from. Steve Allen and Suzi Ryan had learned the hard way what they wanted in life – and found it was each other. By Heather Grant.

One day, in August 2005, seven-year-old Jake Allen was running for all he was worth in his school sports carnival. Among the throng of classmates watching was his Year Three teacher, Suzi Ryan, urging her young student on until she lost her voice mid-cry. Her attention was distracted as her eyes settled on a man standing away from the crowd, his eyes trained on Jake. ‘Ooh, gorgeous – who is he?’ Suzi wondered.

He – of the blue work shirt and trousers – was Steve Allen, Jake’s dad and half-time carer. Steve, a hydraulic fitter, had been single 15 months and had decided life with the boys (Jake and older son, Matt) did him just fine. En route from one maintenance job to another, Steve had dropped by Collingwood Park State School, west of Brisbane, just in time to see Jake’s race. His heart was pounding with pride: he had no idea that the diminutive blonde teacher, just metres away, was also experiencing a fluttering heart.

That could have been the end of it if Suzi hadn’t mentioned to friend and school secretary, Julie, the swooning sensation she’d had during sports day; and if Julie hadn’t recognised the man as Steve, who was the neighbour of some of her best friends.

Within a fortnight, Julie and Steve’s neighbours, Rick and Lisa, were conspiring as matchmakers. “Before I knew it, Julie told me dinner had been arranged and Steve was coming,” recalls Suzi. “I freaked. This would not look good; he’d think I was forward. I couldn’t do it. Besides, I was totally and utterly committed to my son, Nick, and our life together.”

Nick and Suzi had been a ‘package deal’, as Suzi called it, for 10 years. Over that decade, Suzi and her ex-husband, David, had tried to reconcile. But, Suzi says, “While David is a great, committed father, we weren’t meant to be together. We wanted different things from life.”

“I tried dating. I hated the pub and club scene. Some of my girlfriends are very social and just love that whole ‘want to taste my lipgloss?’ thing, but that is definitely not me. I was just a lily in a garbage bin on those nights out. I didn’t need that; I was happy with my teaching, with my house and with Nick and his young mates. I’d been on my own so long – I didn’t need complications.”

Meanwhile, 50 kilometres away, Steve was wondering what he was letting himself in for. “It was all very mysterious. I was desperately trying to put a face to the name. I’d heard the name ‘Suzi Ryan’ but from where? And of course the school connection wasn’t obvious because it was my neighbours inviting me out to make up numbers for a dinner party. The curiosity was killing me.”

The night of the dinner party arrived and the matchmakers realised their cupid arrows were well marked. “I tried not to stare into his eyes,” recalls Suzi, “they’re just so beautiful. He was so easy to talk to and listen to; and he listened to me, too, even as
I babbled into overdrive with nerves.”

“No doubt about it, I was attracted to Suzi the moment I saw her,“ says Steve. “But I spent the night expecting to be called away to work.”

There was no call-out, but as the night went on, the two found themselves separated in true Aussie social style: the women at one end of the table, the men at the other end, all trying to talk over the background music that was progressively getting louder.

When the group decided to call it a night, the parting was, both say, awkward. “We shook hands and said goodnight. There was nothing more,” says Steve. “I’d hoped we’d go for a coffee and talk some more,” admits Suzi.

Once again, that could have been the end of it if not for matchmaker Julie, who took it upon herself to slip Steve Suzi’s number, claiming Suzi had asked him to have it, and told Suzi that Steve had asked for it. “Honestly, Julie was like a 12-year-old passing notes,” laughs Suzi.

It took Steve four days to pluck up the courage to make the call; four agonising days for Suzi, who remembers “the amazing tummy turns and feeling like a teenager again, full of wonderings and self-doubt”.

From that phone call, the courtship swung into a whirlwind of dinners, lunches, movies, nightly phone calls – and even gardening. “It’s not every day I’d offer to lop a lady’s hedges,” Steve laughs.

Then, of course, there was the matter of ‘the boys’. Matt and Jake both attended the school Suzi taught at. When they’d arrived with their dad to lop a branch off a tree on a Sunday, and found the house belonged to Ms Ryan, they put two and two together and got: “Dad’s dating a teacher!”

“Matt, who was in Year Seven, did not see this as cool at all. We were okay as long as we kept it secret at school,” says Suzi.

“As for Nick, he found out early on that I was seeing someone. He eavesdropped one night when Steve called. When we’d finished talking – an hour or so after I’d tucked Nick into bed – I was ambushed by my young turkey who’d sneaked out of his room and been holed up behind the lounge. Nick proceeded to ask questions, and give me advice on what I should or shouldn’t have said. You could say we have very open communication,” she laughs.

Absence, it’s said, makes the heart grow fonder. Work took Steve away for days at a time. The telephone became the lifeline for long discussions late into the night. Then came an even longer separation: a long-anticipated trip to Singapore for Suzi and Nick, spending Christmas and New Year with her sister, Charlie. “I nearly cancelled. I’d had so many Christmases and New Years alone. And here I was, taking off when I didn’t need to be.”

Steve insisted Suzi go. “I was thinking, ‘You’ve known this person for six weeks: should we be going this fast?’ But I didn’t want to put the brakes on. I couldn’t wait to see what was around the corner.”

The long nightly phone calls took on ever-more serious tones, touching on issues that had to be worked through and practical life matters.

Suzi arrived back on Australian soil on 2 January 2006. It was the busiest time of year for Steve’s work. Yet somehow they managed, with all the boys in tow and in just 11 days, to sell their two properties and buy a home together, exactly halfway between their old abodes, at the elegant Edenbrooke Estate. A month later, they moved their families in together and a year to the day after the first date, they became engaged.

Suzi and Steve both firmly believe in fate, and in signs of things meant to be. The fact that they share the initials ‘SJ’ – for Suzanne Julianna and Stephen John – boded well. Their star signs – she’s Aquarius, he’s Libra – suggest a perfect union: ‘instant attraction that escalates quickly to an undying attraction when these two meet and hook up for the first time’, so one horoscope says. The unlikely friendship of a work colleague and neighbours was a third sign. And for good measure, there has been the presence of dragonflies on auspicious moments. “When Steve first came over to help cut back my jacaranda, the dragonflies were out in force, flitting around the yard. Then, when we stopped to look at the house we were to buy, a dragonfly rested on the windscreen of Steve’s car.

“The final sign was on a weekend getaway marking the anniversary of our first date. We went to a country cottage and above the bed was a beautiful wrought-iron dragonfly,” recalls Suzi fondly.

“I’d known the moment was coming to ask her to marry me; seeing that dragonfly sealed it for me, then and there,” adds Steve. Family remains the number one priority: Nick, Steve and Suzi share the comings and goings of Matt and Jake on a half-weekly basis. Last October, on Steve’s fortieth birthday, the boys wrote on his birthday card: ‘We love the happiness you share together and are hanging on for the ride.’

“Life’s a roller-coaster and on this ride so far, we’ve had a very long and enjoyable ride up with no sign of the down,” says Steve. “I, for one, learned from my past. The past is a steep learning curve. To get a second chance is a chance at change. It was also a chance to really think about what’s important in life and how to get it. While I wasn’t consciously thinking of re-partnering before I met Suzi, I had considered a list of attributes I may one day want in a partner. There were the ‘must have’, the ‘would like’ and the ‘nice to have but not essential’. Suzi scored all of them: 10 out of 10; A-plus,” Steve admits, smiling.

“To be loved absolutely and to love absolutely – that’s something to treasure. And being able to bring all the boys into that love… no wonder every day is a good day,” adds Suzi. 

Tips for blended families

Psychologist Dr Helen Stallman from the Parenting and Family Support Centre, University of Queensland, gives Suzi and Steve top marks for the efforts they’ve put into creating a new family identity.

Dr Stallman suggests:

• Allow time for all members of the family to adjust to the new home set-up.
• Make time to listen to what all the children think and feel. Help them manage their emotions.
• Involve children in family meetings that determine rules which apply to everyone in the household.
• Spend time developing positive relationships with your partner’s kids.
• Maintain special time with your own children.
• Support your partner, and vice versa – children know all about the ‘divide and conquer’ theory.

Photography: Sam McAdam. Hair & make-up: Kristy Pitman.