Love on the line

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Once considered the domain of the desperate and dateless, online dating is now mainstream, sweeping thousands of people off their feet and on to their computers. Linda Peatling reports.

Four years ago Lisa Stewart went through a “horrific” break-up with her long-term boyfriend. At 33 she found herself single and disillusioned, not only with the modern dating scene but, dare we say it, with men in general. The thought of getting back on the dating treadmill left her feeling empty and mentally exhausted. “I’d go out with my girlfriends occasionally, but I just didn’t want to go through all the rubbish of meeting someone in a bar and then waiting for the call back and everything that goes with it,” she remembers.

It wasn’t long before the Victorian pharmaceutical sales manager found she wasn’t the only one who felt this way. A few of her girlfriends expressed their own frustrations with trying to meet Mr Right in crowded, noisy watering holes. This realisation left Lisa feeling even more despondent and wondering how she was ever going to meet someone through the traditional networks open to her.

It was at this stage that one of Lisa’s workmates  introduced her to the concept of online dating. “I’d heard of it before, but it still had quite a stigma attached to it, so I was curious but cautious,” Lisa remembers. Reassured by her friend that it would be “a bit of fun”, and spurred on by her own philosophical argument that she had nothing to lose, Lisa took the plunge and posted her photo, profile and list of likes and dislikes on one of Australia’s most popular dating sites, www.rsvp.com.au.

“I was surprised by how professional the site was. There was nothing sleazy about it and you could reveal as much or as little as you liked. Nobody could get your email address or phone number unless you gave it to them, so I felt very safe,” she recalls.

Over the next few weeks, online dating began to gain appeal for Lisa, particularly as the whole process could be conducted from the comfort of her own home. “It was great fun and quite exciting to see who was going to contact you. I could sit at home in my PJs and be in control, choosing who to reply to and who to maintain contact with.”

One surprise for Lisa in the online dating game was the calibre of people she found registered on her chosen website. “Let’s face it, about four years ago many people tended to think of those who went online to date as losers or freaks. But what I actually found was a lot of people just like me – professionals who had spent most of their lives focusing on their careers, travelling the world and doing things they wanted to do, but who had forgotten to have a relationship along the way.”

One such person was IT systems analyst Luke Donovan from Camberwell, Victoria. Luke says he decided to try his hand at online dating after being disappointed by the real world dating scene. “I’d tag along to pubs and clubs with my mates but I’d never meet anyone. Believe it or not, it’s hard for a guy to strike up a conversation with a girl in a pub – you’re so worried about whether they’ll like you that you don’t even think about whether or not you’ll like them,” he confesses.

Apart from a couple of short-term girlfriends in his 20s, Luke had never been in a serious relationship and was known to his friends and work colleagues as “the eternal bachelor”. However, Luke says he’d “become tired of going to bed alone” and, at 38, had decided he was finally ready to settle down.

With this in mind, Luke decided to have a go at internet dating. Although he initially treated the experience as “a bit of a lark”, he was soon pleasantly surprised by what he found. “There are a lot of very attractive, intelligent, funny women out there. You can have some great conversations, get to know them and do a bit of flirting – it’s all harmless fun,” he says.

Top online dating sites
www.rsvp.com.au
www.au.match.com
www.lavalife.com.au
www.aussiematchmaker.com.au
www.au.matchluv.com (includes NZ)

Online etiquette

• Use a pseudonym. This will protect your privacy, and is considered normal.
• Be honest. Lying about your age, body type or anything else will only come back to haunt you.
• Be polite. It’s considered rude not to reply to everyone who contacts you, even if you’re not interested.
• Play the field. It’s okay to liaise with several people at the same time, as long as you’re honest.

Words: Linda Peatling . Styling: Kim Ellmer.