Just the two of us

Ray Simpkin didn’t know if he would cope when his wife died after childbirth, but raising their son has brought him unexpected happiness.

English research scientist Ray Simpkin and his German wife Katharina dreamed of raising a family in the quiet, green suburbs of Auckland’s North Shore. But they knew any pregnancy would be risky, as Katharina suffered from primary pulmonary hypertension, a rare and incurable condition that makes it difficult for blood to be pumped through the lungs, causing breathlessness, fatigue and an enlarged heart.

As she had never displayed any symptoms and because the pregnancy went smoothly, Katharina and Ray hoped all would be well. Their son Ben was born one month premature on 11 August 2003, during a visit to Katharina’s family in Germany. He shared her enormous blue eyes and beautiful smile.

But events took a tragic turn when the symptoms of Katharina’s condition appeared a few days after the birth, possibly brought on by the hormonal changes in her body. She didn’t respond to drugs and became so weak from lack of oxygen that she could barely hold her tiny baby. A lung transplant was scheduled but unfortunately she became too ill to have the operation. The 24-year-old died just one month after her son’s birth.

Despite occasional visits from his family in Christchurch and Katharina’s family in Germany, and the assistance of seven godparents, Ray has raised Ben virtually single-handedly since then. A day in his life is much busier than many people’s, but having the cherubic little boy around makes it all worthwhile.
 
7am: “I’m getting a much better night’s sleep now that Ben’s sleeping right through,” smiles Ray as he helps his now three-year-old son pour milk on to his cornflakes. “He just did it one night. I woke up in the morning and realised something was different. Even now though, he’s usually awake before me. I can hear him through the intercom, chatting away happily to himself in his bed.” By necessity more independent than most children his age, Ben plays happily with his toys while Ray gets ready for work, and insists on dressing himself for day care. “I put a selection of clothes out for him and he chooses them himself. He’s quite particular – right down to his socks!” Katharina’s sister Maxi, 16, who is over from Germany to attend high school in Auckland for a year, sometimes has more luck convincing her nephew to put on clothing suitable for the day’s weather. “It’s great having Maxie around – it allows me a little more time to myself,” Ray admits. “But she’s not here to babysit; she’s here for school.”

1234   |  Single page