The stories of stepchildren

Stepfamilies are commonplace in today’s society, but happily blending a family takes love and patience. By Linda Peatling.

Jenny and Anthony Clarke, both 36

“I woke up one day and Dad was gone,” says Anthony Clarke of the day his father left his family, 22 years ago. Anthony was 14 years old at the time and vividly remembers his feelings of bewilderment. “It was almost surreal,” he recalls. “There had always been conflict in the house but Mum was distraught when Dad actually left so it was very upsetting to see her that way.”

In the first few months after the separation, Anthony and his 12-year-old sister Ashleigh often begged their father to come home. “We were just kids so we wanted Mum and Dad to stay together, even though they didn’t get along at all,” he says. “You don’t think about those kinds of things when you’re a kid, you just want the family back together.”

At the same age, however, Anthony’s future wife Jenny was actually advising her own mother to leave her unhappy marriage. “Dad and I got along very well but I knew Mum wasn’t happy and that was heartbreaking for me,” she says.
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Nevertheless, Jenny’s mother stayed with her husband for a few more years, waiting to leave until Jenny and her older sister Karen had grown up. “I know Mum stayed for our sake,” reflects Jenny. “I think she wanted to protect us… As an adult, I wish she’d left earlier for her own sake, but I don’t know how I would have handled it if she had left when we were children.”

The only insight Jenny has into what life might have been like if her parents had divorced when she was a child are her husband’s stories about his own traumatic teenage years. With his father gone, Anthony became the man of the house and acted as an emotional support for his distressed mother. “Mum was almost suicidal for a while and I didn’t know how to handle that,” Anthony remembers. “But over time she covered up her pain very well and there was more of an empty feeling in the house. She relied on me a lot to help with all the big things around the house and she relied on my sister to do a lot of the housework.”

On weekends, Anthony and Ashleigh would visit their father, but they were only allowed to stay for the day as their father had found a new girlfriend. “He would buy us things and take us to the movies but he was pretty quick to get rid of us at the end of the day,” says Anthony. “It’s strange, but we actually took it out on Mum. We resented going back to her place because she represented the humdrum of life while Dad was the fun part.”
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