Since I don’t have you

Louise Candlish

Little, Brown Book Group

For a mother, there is nothing worse than losing a child. This heart wrenching and compelling tale from British writer, Louise Candlish, looks at the long and short-term affects of the tragic death of a little girl.

When their daughters are babies, best friends Rachel, Mariel and Jenny make a pact to look after each other’s children in the unlikely event of something awful happening. Six years later, in 1994, the unthinkable happens when Rachel’s only child, Emma, is killed in a school bus accident.

Heartbroken at the loss of her beloved daughter, Rachel leaves her devastated husband, Oliver, in London, and moves to the Greek island of Santorini, where her mother grew up. Cutting off almost all ties with her friends and family, Rachel grieves alone, not wanting the comfort and company of her best friends or husband.

With Emma gone, Rachel can’t find a good reason to stay in her marriage. She makes friends with the much younger Ingrid who proves to be good company for the lonely Rachel, who wants to make a fresh start. But try as she might, Rachel can’t completely forget about her friends in London and the promise she made to them. Using the services of a private investigator, Johnny Palmer, she keeps tabs on the children of Mariel and Jenny, making sure that they are well looked after.

On Santorini, Rachel eventually opens a shop with Ingrid, and comes to understand and appreciate her Greek heritage. Occasionally, Rachel returns to London to visit her mother and secretly check up on her the children of Mariel and Jenny. But the grief-stricken mother has no intentions of ever living in London again. Over the years, she develops a close friendship with Johnny which has the potential to lead to something more. And after being on her own for 10 years, learning to love again is a challenge for Rachel even though she can’t deny her feelings for Johnny.

Starting points for discussion:

1. Do you think this novel is a realistic portrayal of a grieving mother?
2. If you lost a child, would you run away from your friends and family? Why do you think Rachel chose to do this?
3. How would you describe Oliver? Does her have any redeeming qualities? Do you think his marriage to Rachel would have survived if Emma had lived?
4. What does this novel say about friendship? Is Rachel a good friend?
5. What do you think attracts Rachel to Johnny?
6. What is about Santorini that appeals to Rachel?

If you liked this you will enjoy:

• The Rest of Her Life by Laura Moriarty
• Hurting Distance by Sophie Hannah
• The Cupid Effect by Dorothy Koomson
• The Moment You Were Gone by Nicci Gerrard
• Before I Die by Jenny Downham